“Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.” Ps.62:8, ESV
Take a Breath
Prayer is central in the life of a Christian. It is modeled and taught by Jesus (Lu.11:1). It is given voice throughout the Psalms. God’s expectation for the pattern of our prayer is described as, “always, constantly, at all times, steadfastly, unceasing.”[1] Beyond the commands and examples of prayer, there lies in the depth of our soul a desire to pray. The Spirit assures us that God is our Father through Jesus, and as children, we cry out (Rom.8:15-16). I’ve heard it said that prayer is to the soul what breathing is to the body. Natural. Constant. Life giving. I like the comparison, but struggle to embrace it. Why? Breathing is easy, but prayer is hard.
How’s Your Prayer Life?
Every believer I have met acknowledges that prayer is essential. But they quickly add that it is also a struggle. When the subject arises, guilt seems to come with it. Many feel inadequate or failing in the matter of prayer. We struggle with consistency and trace a pattern of starts and stops. We wrestle with motivation. We can set time aside for other things, but lack passion to pray. When we do pray, we might feel like we’re going through the mechanics of prayer; routine and mundane. Even in those seasons of consistency, we may question if our prayers are making any difference. Worse, we may wonder if God is listening or present. He feels far and silent.
Revisiting Our Prayers
You can suggest that I am simply describing my own situation, and I would not argue. Yet, my ministry experience suggests that the struggle with prayer is common. Our experience of prayer doesn’t always match our longing for prayer. The cause may not be hidden sin, poor Bible teaching or insufficient effort. We think that we must be doing something wrong, but it could simply be that prayer is hard. It may help for us to revisit our prayers.
This a first of a series of articles on prayer intended to encourage, examine and engage our prayer life. They are reflections on,
- Persistence – praying in a spiritual desert
- Conversion – reaping the harvest of prayer internally
- Silence – communing with God without words
Each article will discuss a relevant issue in our praying and the gift which God bestows in each topic. After all, prayer is less about what we do and more about the grace of God. For now, let’s consider,
- Vulnerability – coming out from behind our mask
The Goal Is Intimacy
Prayer is not a contractual transaction, a heavenly algorithm, nor a device for efficiencies. It is not a tool we use to get what we want. Prayer is a meeting of who we are with who God is. Therefore, it is an intimate interaction. It is a means of knowing and being known. Of course it is a weapon of spiritual battle, a means of change in our world, the power of God’s Kingdom coming to earth. But at its core, prayer is connection between all that I am with all that God is. Since intimacy is the goal, vulnerability is essential. We will not experience the bond God intends if we are hiding behind our mask.
A Prayerful Tone?
In church prayer meetings, I recall listening to people’s voice change when they addressed God. The language and tone somehow shifted into stained glass mode. It may have been awe or respect that they were reflecting, but it felt more like a false presentation. They reverted to “normal” when they conversed over coffee. It is a small matter, but it points to a bigger concern. Do we believe that prayer requires a different stance from what we really are?
It is possible to pray publicly from behind a facade. It is worse to continue that posture in our private prayers. It is not a conscious action, nor necessarily intended. But it can become a pattern to practice prayer as presentation. In our words, we offer more faith than is in our hearts. We express more desire than what we have. We suggest more goodness than is appropriate. Now of course God sees through all of this. He is not fooled. But knowing that He sees through it doesn’t prevent us from doing it. If our prayers do not sound or look like who we really are, we are the ones being fooled. The central issue is not just hypocrisy, presenting ourselves as something we are not. The great loss is intimacy. We cannot know and be known through prayer if we are pretending.
Three Essentials
So how do we remove the facade and become real and present before our Lord?
1. Be Honest
Tell the truth about yourself when you pray. If you don’t want to be praying, tell God that. If you are angry, wounded, discouraged, guilty, apathetic or empty, hold those facts before Him. Do not hide or run from the reality. Those may be the very things God wants to talk about. If you want or need instruction on how to be genuine before God, read the Psalms. You will find more honesty than many of us are comfortable with! I don’t suggest that we become the focus of our prayers, but that we simply remain honest.
2. Learn Transparency
Being transparent is a step beyond being honest. It is possible to be honest with God about selected topics and hold other matters as unspoken secrets. Transparency means that we hide nothing. Honesty is hard, but transparency is harder. It may take time for us to open the corners of our soul before God. In His grace, He does not force or pry. He does invite. We will learn that we can pour out our hearts before Him. He is a refuge for us (Psalm 62:8).
3. Accept Vulnerability
The reason we pray with pretence is because we resist our brokenness.
We fear that God will frown upon the state we are in. We feel ashamed that we have feet of clay, so we put our best foot forward, even if it is false. Hear the truth. Love casts out fear. Forgiveness removes guilt and shame. You are welcome before God through Jesus Christ. God holds the kingdom of heaven for those who are poor in spirit. The grace of God meets us where we are, as we are. You can remove the mask.
Grace of Intimacy
Prayer is not therapy, an exercise by which God helps us know ourselves better. Prayer is a relationship between God and His redeemed. It is the relationship which matters. Eternal life is to know the only true God and Jesus Christ whom He sent (Jn.17:3). By His Spirit, this relationship is graced with intimate love. God as He is, with us as we are. We hinder this intimacy when we offer in prayer something that we are not. But as our prayer lives become genuine, our vulnerability leads to the grace of intimacy. It’s a change we long for.
[1] Lu.18:1, Rom.12:12, Eph.6:18, Col.4:2, 1 Thes.5:17
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