“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?” – Ps.13:1 (ESV)
Prayer Is Hard
While prayer is within the grasp of a child, it can stretch, challenge, test and confound our souls. We often attribute the struggle of prayer to some shortfall within us. There may be truth to that. We are inconsistent, apathetic, easily distracted and struggle with sin. If we want to grow in prayer, these are matters to address with His Spirit. But let me say what is rarely said out loud in Church. Even if the frailty of our souls was replaced with fortified spiritual fibre, prayer would still be hard. Why? Because the greatest difficulty in prayer doesn’t stem from what we do, but from what God does.
God Seems Deaf
There will come a time in our prayer experience (perhaps repeatedly) when God seems to take a step back from us. He absents Himself. Our prayers find no answers. There is no indication of His Voice and He feels far away. We are left feeling alone, isolated, confused and perhaps angry. The teaching of the Bible is clear. God is with us – never to depart. He will never leave us or forsake us. That’s our theology. But we live at the intersection of theology and experience. Grade school science assures us that the sun is always shining. It is an unceasing source of light and life. But we live with weather; at times blanketed by the weight of grey clouds. The sun is shining, but we don’t see or feel it. God is always with us, attentive to our life, but we may feel orphaned. The distance we sense may just be our perception, but it is a real perception that inundates us. The struggle is genuine even if the distance is not.
Hide and Seek
This is not new; in fact, it appears to be the pattern of God. Isaiah said, “Truly, you are a God who hides himself” (Isa.45:15). In the Psalm above, David is confused about the silence of God. This is not the only time David complained about God’s apparent distance. People of prayer throughout the centuries have faced this. St. John of the Cross spoke of “a dark night of the soul” as a time when the heavens feel shut against us. Since there is both biblical and historical testimony to this experience, it is likely that we will not be immune. There will be times of prayer when we feel alone and unheard. When this occurs, we usually try to fix it. “I will pray more! I will pray harder!” If the distance is not bridged, we begin to examine our prayer patterns. “Maybe I am doing something wrong. Is there a new prayer seminar I can take?” When silence continues even after we’ve re-ordered our praying, we conclude that the problem isn’t our prayers – it’s us! “There must be some hidden sin within me. Am I being punished for past offences?” Worst of all, we may become cynical about God’s love and callous our souls against the perceived space. These are common responses to our common experience in prayer
We Live by Faith
What is this about? When God seems to remove His Hand, it is His invitation to faith. He is weaning us from the assurances we cling to. Answered petitions. Soul exaltations. Victory ground. Certainty of His Voice. Even God’s gracious gifts can become ropes we grasp to find assurance. Yet, we are called to live by faith, and it is faith which pleases God. Whatever signs or gifts we lean on to support faith can become props, which become obstacles.
I once asked God for an unshakable faith. He took me at my word and began to shake my faith. God walked me through a very dark lonely tunnel, in which He seemed to ask, “Scott, am I alone enough for you?” I wasn’t sure of the answer at first and was quite angry at Him for asking. I didn’t understand it in the midst, but God was shaking everything superfluous from my faith. He was paring my soul down to the essentials, stripped bare to a single issue – a faith that trusts His love despite the contrary evidence.
I’d like to report that the experience had permanent impact, but that’s not human. We discover and then neglect. My faith requires remedial attention from God, so this experience of God’s silence needs to be repeated. The silence and stillness of God are pathways on which our faith grows to maturity. God does not test faith because He is insecure. But since spirituality is fueled by faith, it is His mercy to strengthen the very thing we need.
These are words on a page. In principle you may see the need and wisdom of them. You may even recognize that when God steps back from us, it is good for our maturity. It’s not hard to assent in theory – but it’s hard to plant the theory into our practice.
If your prayer life feels like a silent wilderness, consider these:
Continue
God is present with you. Believe it, even if the sense of it is undiscernible. When our prayer life becomes difficult or seemingly unproductive, we are prone to quitting. We turn to other activities which offer an immediate reward. Resist that. You may not feel like praying or wonder what good it will do. Persistence is an expression of faith. Continue to pray and when you fail, return to prayer.
Don’t Try to Fix This
When we hear glowing testimonies of prayer from others or consume the menu of an easy prayer life projected by mainstream Christianity, we will naturally assume that our situation is a problem. Of course, if hindrance to prayer is a problem of our making, resolve it! But if this is a work of God, an expression of mercy, then only He can address it. There’s nothing you can do except yield to His purpose.
Turn Towards His Silence
In conversations there can be an awkward pause that we are prone to filling. We are uncomfortable with the silence. But silence between you and God is no void. God is in the silence. He is present in the meeting. We misjudge our prayer experience if we only measure what we get out of it. God does not feel awkward nor distant. He desires this time. So, stand before His stillness and tell Him that your presence and prayers are love offerings to Him.
Press into His Heart of Grace
You need not be stoic in these times and simply tough it out. Tell God how you are feeling and what you are seeking. Tell Him this is hard for you. Tell Him that you are struggling. Tell Him that you love Him and want to persist through the struggle. You need not assume God’s chastisement, apathy or distance. Look to His grace. Seek His face and find His love in the silence.
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